Beach. Everyone has been working so hard lately so why not take a break and enjoy the beach? You can make sand castles, play in the water, and there are even umbrellas for those who'd rather just relax in the shade. There's a nice row of water melons ready to be smashed later in the day and when the sun goes down, that's when the sparklers come out.
Suffering. It's the hottest time of the year and the citadel doesn't have central air conditioning. The few air conditions that were installed have given up on life after being used so much and now, we really have to make do with what we can while the Konnosuke try to fix it. There's a limited number of fans, plenty of ice cream to go around, and the citadel should be built to circulate air, right? ... Right?!
Spooks. In Japan, summer is a time for horror. Gather around the camp fire and hear some spooky ghost stories or maybe head out into the woods just outside the citadel for a good ol' fashioned test of courage. It's all good, harmless fun! Of course, with so many spirits gathered in one place, what's to say a stray or curious outsider spirit won't join the mix...
Rain. Summer is also known for sudden and torrential downpours of rain. The clouds always seem to grown and darken suddenly and the next thing you know, it's raining sheets and the ground is shaking from thunder. Once it starts, it never seems to stop. Maybe you were caught out in the rain or maybe this is day 7 stuck inside.
Other! It's summer and there are tons of things to do. Go to the general store and stock up on ice cream, wake up in the middle of the night uncomfortable with heat, or run around screaming because cicadas are dying and flying at your face.
He does... And if that indeed helped, then I am glad too.
[Mikazuki almost raised Tsurumaru - if you can call spoiling him rotten as raising him, and he knows the crane sword better than anyone. Under all of that coolness is a warm and gentle heart.]
He doesn't like being reminded of it, though, hahahahaha!
[Really, he isn't. You'd be hard pressed to find a single ounce of jealousy in him. Besides, given that he hinted himself at the fact that there have been others, it'd be hypocritical of him to go and be mad at Ichigo if there was someone else for him. Especially at a time when he himself was not around.
He wouldn't mind even now, but he isn't sure if Ichigo is ready to hear that. And of course, if Ichigo wants him all to himself, then he'll hold himself to that.]
I love Tsurumaru very much too. I'm glad he could help you.
[He glances up at him, a little surprised. Then he looks into his eyes and could tell that Mikazuki is being truthful. It still confuses him though how Mikazuki doesn’t seem to mind at all... His way of thinking is so different from his own sometimes...
And Ichigo isn’t ready to hear that at all. It would upset him greatly in fact. He is very faithful and loyal after all, and expects others to be the same.
He nods. It makes sense that Mikazuki loves Tsurumaru, they are family in a way after all. The mention of the word ‘love’ though makes him feel a little guilty again.]
Actually, he told me he... loves me... but I... well, I do love him too, but... it feels different from the love I feel for you. It’s not the same...
[He embraces Mikazuki, burying his face against his chest.]
It’s not the same at all. You are the one I love the most and the only one I feel this way towards.
[Mikazuki closes his arms around Ichigo, petting his hair softly.]
Are you confused?
[Clearly, some things are not confusing, and Ichigo is aware of his own feelings, but... but he is charming, personable, beautiful. is it any wonder people would fell for him? Mikazuki doesn't seem so. He did too, after all. It doesn't seem outlandish that others would too.]
And more importantly, have you told him?
[Because you can't not be clear with others if it's that important to you after you reproached Mikazuki for trolling people with his dirty poems.]
I don’t... think so. I know I can’t love him back the way he wants me to because I already have you, but he is still very important to me and I don’t want to lose him. ... am I being selfish?
[He falls silent for a moment.]
I haven’t had a chance to yet.... It almost feels like he might be avoiding me.
[And well, Ichigo has been getting more and more comfortable and bolder each day in demonstrating his affection for Mikazuki even in public, so it’s hardly a secret that they are together.]
I’m not...? But isn’t it unfair to him for me to want to hold onto him...?
[This makes him feel so conflicted!
Ichigo is silent for a moment when he finally realises why Tsurumaru is avoiding him. He’s been so consumed by his love for Mikazuki that he hadn’t even thought of that...]
... what should I do then? Should I force him to talk to me? Or would that just make things worse...
Don't you think it might be a bit too much for both of us to do this?
[Especially since, well, what Ichigo has to explain does involve Mikazuki. It's not like Mikazuki himself is shying away from the conversation, but it's just... not his conversation to have at this point, although he will want to talk to Kuninaga afterwards.]
Just ask Aruji to assign the two of you on the same task.
[But he wanted you there for moral support! That’s true though... it would be too much....
He sighs.]
You’re right. But... Tsurumaru never does his chores...! [Like how you don’t! But it’s different when you don’t do them. He’s perfectly fine with you not doing them as he doesn’t want you hurting yourself accidentally or something...] So maybe that won’t really work. Though it would perhaps give me an excuse to find him... How do I stop him from fleeing...?
[Ah, maybe he can use that rope he found in your drawer when he was putting away your laundry earlier. Come to think of it, why is there even rope in your drawer...?]
... Mikazuki, what the rope in that drawer for? [And he points that the one he means.]
[Ichigo, you are an adult, you can talk to Tsurumaru Kuninaga on your own. he will give you - and the crane - moral support after you've had your talk.
The sudden change in subject has Mikazuki blinking, and then he smiles.]
It's to tie people up. What else would a rope be for?
[That.... probably was not the answer you were expecting, Ichigo and he should probably be sorry to give you a glimpse into some activities he's had that are definitely way out of the norm of what you are used to but...
But again, he doesn't want to lie. It's gonna be a challenge tot ell you anything about this without making you spontaneously combust, though.]
[Hmmmm, he hadn't exactly planned for the disclosure to happen like that.]
Some people find it... liberating. On a phsychological level, being restrained by another and told what to do can lift a weight off one's shoulders when one has too many responsibilities.
[Maybe he won't tell you about the spanking and the whipping just yet.]
[He frowns thoughtfully at the explanation, trying his best to understand but... this is really all so foreign to him.]
Being restrained is liberating...? ... so people like this and it helps them relieve stress....
[Perhaps if he tries it for himself, he will get how it is liberating. He does feel a lot of stress from all his responsibilities after all. Maybe...
However, the more he thinks about how it might feel to be restrained, the more it makes him think of how helpless he would probably feel. That in turn reminds him of being trapped... of being trapped while everything around him went up in flames...
He tenses, feeling the unease rising inside him but he tries his best to remain calm.]
... I... don’t think I’ll like it though. It sounds terrifying. I don’t want to be trapped... again.
[Mikazuki feels the tension and immediately rubs Ichigo's back reassuringly.]
It's not for everyone. Each person has their own way to let go. For some it's the rope. For others, blindfolds. There are a few who are having a hard time facing themselves, so I make them look in the mirror at their own face. It depends on the person.
They get to choose what they want to do, and I do it for them in a safe way. that's the whole point. If they can do this here, then they won't do something more dangerous outside tying to figure it out.
And no one has to do anything they are not comfortable with. If boundaries are pushed, it's always with full consent.
[The rubbing certainly helps soothe Ichigo and he slowly relaxes.
He is silent for long while though as he carefully disgusts everything Mikazuki has just told him. And his final conclusion is...]
... it sounds like you're providing them with an invaluable service. I guess I'm alright with you doing so. And you enjoy doing all this, don't you?
[Well, Mikazuki does make it sound quite professional, so the relationship he has with these people who come to him... is just purely professional, right?
He's not sure if he'll ever be ready to try any of that, but he is now certainly quite curious about this strange new world Mikazuki has introduced him to.]
... what other tools do you use? Can I... Can I see them?
It is alright to tell me what it is you find in it...?
[He has a feeling maybe it's something Mikazuki does not really want to talk about but... he does want to understand him more. Perhaps through understanding him more, he might remember more about his own past.]
... upset me? ... more force?
[That sounds very ominous... he tries to imagine what tools these might be but is, of course, unable to imagine any as he has lived such a sheltered life since his reawakening, with everyone around him treating him so delicately. He does appreciate their concern but he feels he's able to handle a little more than they think he's ready for.]
Perhaps... you could show me the less upsetting ones first?
[He might not mind seeing the whip or riding crop, though he'll not be interested in having it used on himself. On other people, maybe? And he'll mostly be interested in whether the whip can be used as a weapon... for it'll go pretty well with his uniform!]
[He doesn't want to delve too deep into it. but he can summarize it in one simple way.]
... They need me.
[And just that is enough. He's not alone in a box, in the dark, waiting for an elusive exhibition day, too precious to be left out for the world to see. Instead, he is wanted and sought after.]
I keep everything in the same chest. Over here.
[It is nondescript, the same as some of the kimono chest except for one little detail. It has a lock on it. And he will open it, but let Ichigo lift the lid if he wants to.
Everything inside it is neatly arranged. There's the medical kit. Silk ropes of different colors. silk ties and ribbons as well. blindfolds, also in different materials and colors. And then shackles. Handcuffs. Leather collars and manacles. Several riding crops. A whip. A small knife, it's blade even shorter than a tantou's.]
[Hearing that just breaks his heart. Even though Mikazuki has told him several times before that he hasn’t felt lonely, it appears now that that isn’t quite true at all.
He embraces him tightly.]
... you’re not alone anymore and I also need you. A lot.
[And it is true, for Mikazuki’s presence helps him keep his demons at bay.
Ichigo hesitates for a brief moment, bracing himself for whatever might be inside this Pandora’s Box. Yet once he peers inside, he realises it’s not really that bad?
Some of the items, like the colourful silk ropes, ties and ribbons are even quite beautiful. He runs his fingers over them, liking how they feel. Perhaps he wouldn’t mind being tied down with all this soft silk...
He frowns a bit at the shackles and manacles, wondering why something so heavy duty is needed. Aren’t the ropes and ties enough? Then he picks up one the collars and riding crops, a little intrigued by them. That is when he sees the whip. He is immediately drawn to it. He takes it out, liking how it looks, feels and weighs. He’s definitely most interested in it, though in an entirely different way from what Mikazuki uses it for. He sets the whip down beside himself for a closer look later, as he goes over the rest of the chest’s contents.
Upon seeing the medical kit, he thinks it’s just for first aid which is innocent enough, but it also causes him a little worry. Then the sight of the little knife puzzles him. He takes it out and turns to Mikazuki with an expression of concern and worry.]
Why do you need a knife? And do you get injured easily from these... activities? Is that why you need a medical kit?
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[There is a certain fondness in his voice. Then he looks up with a smile.]
I think... you were there in a way... through him...
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[Mikazuki almost raised Tsurumaru - if you can call spoiling him rotten as raising him, and he knows the crane sword better than anyone. Under all of that coolness is a warm and gentle heart.]
He doesn't like being reminded of it, though, hahahahaha!
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[He falls silent for a moment, feeling guilty.]
... before I found you again, I... had trouble sleeping, so he held me a few times to help me sleep. That's all we did though, so don't worry!
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[Really, he isn't. You'd be hard pressed to find a single ounce of jealousy in him. Besides, given that he hinted himself at the fact that there have been others, it'd be hypocritical of him to go and be mad at Ichigo if there was someone else for him. Especially at a time when he himself was not around.
He wouldn't mind even now, but he isn't sure if Ichigo is ready to hear that. And of course, if Ichigo wants him all to himself, then he'll hold himself to that.]
I love Tsurumaru very much too. I'm glad he could help you.
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And Ichigo isn’t ready to hear that at all. It would upset him greatly in fact. He is very faithful and loyal after all, and expects others to be the same.
He nods. It makes sense that Mikazuki loves Tsurumaru, they are family in a way after all. The mention of the word ‘love’ though makes him feel a little guilty again.]
Actually, he told me he... loves me... but I... well, I do love him too, but... it feels different from the love I feel for you. It’s not the same...
[He embraces Mikazuki, burying his face against his chest.]
It’s not the same at all. You are the one I love the most and the only one I feel this way towards.
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Are you confused?
[Clearly, some things are not confusing, and Ichigo is aware of his own feelings, but... but he is charming, personable, beautiful. is it any wonder people would fell for him? Mikazuki doesn't seem so. He did too, after all. It doesn't seem outlandish that others would too.]
And more importantly, have you told him?
[Because you can't not be clear with others if it's that important to you after you reproached Mikazuki for trolling people with his dirty poems.]
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I don’t... think so. I know I can’t love him back the way he wants me to because I already have you, but he is still very important to me and I don’t want to lose him. ... am I being selfish?
[He falls silent for a moment.]
I haven’t had a chance to yet.... It almost feels like he might be avoiding me.
[And well, Ichigo has been getting more and more comfortable and bolder each day in demonstrating his affection for Mikazuki even in public, so it’s hardly a secret that they are together.]
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[After all, he also likes having all the people he loves around him.]
And of course he's avoiding you. He has seen you and I together. He won't come to you or me to confront the situation. You know how he is.
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I’m not...? But isn’t it unfair to him for me to want to hold onto him...?
[This makes him feel so conflicted!
Ichigo is silent for a moment when he finally realises why Tsurumaru is avoiding him. He’s been so consumed by his love for Mikazuki that he hadn’t even thought of that...]
... what should I do then? Should I force him to talk to me? Or would that just make things worse...
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[Feelings are not fair or unfair, Ichigo. Actions on the other hand.... you need to act properly and not let people hang.]
You might have to corner him. If you don't, he'll just find ways not to be alone with you for a long time.
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[He sighs, snuggling closer to Mikazuki for comfort.]
I’ll have to corner him and trap him somehow then... Will you help me?
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[Especially since, well, what Ichigo has to explain does involve Mikazuki. It's not like Mikazuki himself is shying away from the conversation, but it's just... not his conversation to have at this point, although he will want to talk to Kuninaga afterwards.]
Just ask Aruji to assign the two of you on the same task.
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He sighs.]
You’re right. But... Tsurumaru never does his chores...! [Like how you don’t! But it’s different when you don’t do them. He’s perfectly fine with you not doing them as he doesn’t want you hurting yourself accidentally or something...] So maybe that won’t really work. Though it would perhaps give me an excuse to find him... How do I stop him from fleeing...?
[Ah, maybe he can use that rope he found in your drawer when he was putting away your laundry earlier. Come to think of it, why is there even rope in your drawer...?]
... Mikazuki, what the rope in that drawer for? [And he points that the one he means.]
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The sudden change in subject has Mikazuki blinking, and then he smiles.]
It's to tie people up. What else would a rope be for?
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[Wait...! Rope can be used for many other different things. Why is Mikazuki's first use for it tying people up??]
... why are you tying people up...?
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[That.... probably was not the answer you were expecting, Ichigo and he should probably be sorry to give you a glimpse into some activities he's had that are definitely way out of the norm of what you are used to but...
But again, he doesn't want to lie. It's gonna be a challenge tot ell you anything about this without making you spontaneously combust, though.]
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... ask you to...? But why?
[He tries to think of a logical reason.]
... did they have to be restrained because they were going to be a danger to themselves or others?
[Please break it to him gently, Mikazuki. Your husband, in his current state, is so very innocent in these matters...]
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[Hmmmm, he hadn't exactly planned for the disclosure to happen like that.]
Some people find it... liberating. On a phsychological level, being restrained by another and told what to do can lift a weight off one's shoulders when one has too many responsibilities.
[Maybe he won't tell you about the spanking and the whipping just yet.]
It's a way to let off steam in a safe way.
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[He frowns thoughtfully at the explanation, trying his best to understand but... this is really all so foreign to him.]
Being restrained is liberating...? ... so people like this and it helps them relieve stress....
[Perhaps if he tries it for himself, he will get how it is liberating. He does feel a lot of stress from all his responsibilities after all. Maybe...
However, the more he thinks about how it might feel to be restrained, the more it makes him think of how helpless he would probably feel. That in turn reminds him of being trapped... of being trapped while everything around him went up in flames...
He tenses, feeling the unease rising inside him but he tries his best to remain calm.]
... I... don’t think I’ll like it though. It sounds terrifying. I don’t want to be trapped... again.
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It's not for everyone. Each person has their own way to let go. For some it's the rope. For others, blindfolds. There are a few who are having a hard time facing themselves, so I make them look in the mirror at their own face. It depends on the person.
They get to choose what they want to do, and I do it for them in a safe way. that's the whole point. If they can do this here, then they won't do something more dangerous outside tying to figure it out.
And no one has to do anything they are not comfortable with. If boundaries are pushed, it's always with full consent.
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He is silent for long while though as he carefully disgusts everything Mikazuki has just told him. And his final conclusion is...]
... it sounds like you're providing them with an invaluable service. I guess I'm alright with you doing so. And you enjoy doing all this, don't you?
[Well, Mikazuki does make it sound quite professional, so the relationship he has with these people who come to him... is just purely professional, right?
He's not sure if he'll ever be ready to try any of that, but he is now certainly quite curious about this strange new world Mikazuki has introduced him to.]
... what other tools do you use? Can I... Can I see them?
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[That thing might be ... a little too much to delve into right now, but rest assured Ichigo, both sides find what they want in this.
That other request makes him - visibly- hesitated, but he steels himself anyway.]
... I can show you, but some of it might upset you.
[Ropes and blindfolds are easy enough, but the whip? The riding crop? And the obvious medical supplies he has stashed in there with Yagen's help?]
Some people have needs that require... a bit more force.
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[He has a feeling maybe it's something Mikazuki does not really want to talk about but... he does want to understand him more. Perhaps through understanding him more, he might remember more about his own past.]
... upset me? ... more force?
[That sounds very ominous... he tries to imagine what tools these might be but is, of course, unable to imagine any as he has lived such a sheltered life since his reawakening, with everyone around him treating him so delicately. He does appreciate their concern but he feels he's able to handle a little more than they think he's ready for.]
Perhaps... you could show me the less upsetting ones first?
[He might not mind seeing the whip or riding crop, though he'll not be interested in having it used on himself. On other people, maybe? And he'll mostly be interested in whether the whip can be used as a weapon... for it'll go pretty well with his uniform!]
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... They need me.
[And just that is enough. He's not alone in a box, in the dark, waiting for an elusive exhibition day, too precious to be left out for the world to see. Instead, he is wanted and sought after.]
I keep everything in the same chest. Over here.
[It is nondescript, the same as some of the kimono chest except for one little detail. It has a lock on it. And he will open it, but let Ichigo lift the lid if he wants to.
Everything inside it is neatly arranged. There's the medical kit. Silk ropes of different colors. silk ties and ribbons as well. blindfolds, also in different materials and colors. And then shackles. Handcuffs. Leather collars and manacles. Several riding crops. A whip. A small knife, it's blade even shorter than a tantou's.]
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[Hearing that just breaks his heart. Even though Mikazuki has told him several times before that he hasn’t felt lonely, it appears now that that isn’t quite true at all.
He embraces him tightly.]
... you’re not alone anymore and I also need you. A lot.
[And it is true, for Mikazuki’s presence helps him keep his demons at bay.
Ichigo hesitates for a brief moment, bracing himself for whatever might be inside this Pandora’s Box. Yet once he peers inside, he realises it’s not really that bad?
Some of the items, like the colourful silk ropes, ties and ribbons are even quite beautiful. He runs his fingers over them, liking how they feel. Perhaps he wouldn’t mind being tied down with all this soft silk...
He frowns a bit at the shackles and manacles, wondering why something so heavy duty is needed. Aren’t the ropes and ties enough? Then he picks up one the collars and riding crops, a little intrigued by them. That is when he sees the whip. He is immediately drawn to it. He takes it out, liking how it looks, feels and weighs. He’s definitely most interested in it, though in an entirely different way from what Mikazuki uses it for. He sets the whip down beside himself for a closer look later, as he goes over the rest of the chest’s contents.
Upon seeing the medical kit, he thinks it’s just for first aid which is innocent enough, but it also causes him a little worry. Then the sight of the little knife puzzles him. He takes it out and turns to Mikazuki with an expression of concern and worry.]
Why do you need a knife? And do you get injured easily from these... activities? Is that why you need a medical kit?
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