minutemen | 4 ❀ 花吐き病

( Melon shifts, curling against Chougi and this time, the fox watches Hakusan.

Hakusan's eyes widen, a surprised expression falling on a usually neutral face. It doesn't compute. It doesn't make sense. He's a tsurugi and thus, unable to act like katana. He's eerie and stiff, his personality straight and lacking character like the edge of his blade. The first words to spill from his lips are a flat, )

It's not possible.

( It's just not. There must be someone else. Someone more adequate. )

[ Yeah...That's about what he expected.

Chougi puts Melon down; he can feel another fit trying to start. Sure enough, he starts coughing, and it lasts for too long this time. He really is worse. It takes a while to finally calm down, but once it does, he looks Hakusan in the eye. ]

You asked, Hime. Have I ever lied to you?

( About going to repairs. About going to the saniwa. But everyone lies about that.

Chougi begins to cough and he braces himself, sword still held tight in his hand as if he could try to cut out the flowers at any moment. Of course, he decides against it and when the fit passes, he rises to his feet, )

Aruji-sama must know.

( That's it. There's no other choice now. )

[ Okay but about the things that matter, Haku.

Hakusan rises and Chougi reaches out to grab one of his hanging sleeves. ]

Haku--

[ No. Maybe this is better. Maybe he should have done this long ago instead of letting it fester. ]

Let...let me talk to her. There is one other way to fix this.

[ One he suspects Hakusan already knows. ]

( Removing the flowers by force, cutting them and ripping them out by their root until there's nothing left in more than one sense of the word. There won't be anything. The feelings that had given the flowers nutrients will also be gone. That's good. Good? He won't be sick anymore so surely, that's a good thing.

But in his chest, his heart hurts. Hakusan Yoshimitsu is a dowry sword, one that was given as a symbol of good will to promote love and happiness. Those are... important things, even if he can't fully understand them for himself.

He looks down at his sleeve and pulls it away from Chougi's hand gently. )

Talk to her. Now.

( Right now or he absolutely will. )

I'll go.

[ It's a promise. Chougi gets to his feet and puts his shirt back on, though it's still untucked when he leaves. And then he's gone. For a long time. A very long time. He doesn't come back that night, actually. And he's noticeably absent at breakfast, too. Their master is absent, too, and anyone who knocks on the door is gently but firmly rebuffed. Seems like she wants to make sure she gets the whole story, every detail.

He finally comes back to their room a little after dinner, looking exhausted. It's been a very long day. ]

Aruji said she wants to talk to you, too.

[ Apparently, she wants to hear Hakusan's opinion of the situation before they do anything. For the moment, Chougi's feelings are still firmly in place, along with the flowers in his lungs. ]

(Chougi doesn't come back at night. He knows because he waited up for him, thinking he would return. When he does, he wants to check his condition but he never comes and likewise, Hakusan never sleeps.

His absence in the morning doesn't go unnoticed either and not just by him. He doesn't always sit with Chougi for breakfast (sometimes he sits with his brothers) but in the morning, he'd seemed a little more lost despite having been here and grown used to the routine of things. His brothers pull him over towards their table and try to have a conversation with him, asking him where Chougi is and if everything is all right. (He's been sick recently. Is he in bed? Can we visit him? Or is he in repairs?)

By afternoon, he's tired from the lack of sleep, not paying attention and his brothers begin to ask different questions. It's Midare that notices the more subtle differences on his face-- how tired and puffy his eyes look from not resting and they take their new brother aside, trying to give him some space and a chance to express himself the best he can.

When Chougi finally returns, he's waiting with his brothers. Sitting quietly in their room, petting Melon while his brothers suddenly stop talking about whatever they'd been whispering about until now. They express their surprise when they see Chougi more vocally than Hakusan who sits up alert and at attention in front of Chougi, ready to move at any moment.

At the request, he's on his feet, Melon on his shoulder and he follows (very) closely behind Chougi.)

Did aruji-sama help? (What did she do? Chougi's clearly not better. Was it beyond her help? Was it too late?) Your condition is the same.

(He's not sure if this is a good or bad thing.)

[ A room full of Toushirous is...not exactly something Chougi wanted to see when he first arrived. He waves them all off as politely as he's able to before turning down the hall again with Hakusan trailing along behind. No, behind is no good. Chougi adjusts so they can walk side by side. ]

She said she will help.

[ Though not immediately. Chougi isn't sure if her gentle order for patience is a good or a bad thing. He wants to think it's good, but...

Well. As long as she helps him eventually. ]

But before she does anything or makes any decision, she said she wants to talk to you and get your perception of the situation.

[ More specifically, she said she wanted to speak with Hakusan and determine for herself if she needs to intervene or not. But Hakusan's perception of the situation is a vital factor in her final decision, that's true.

Chougi stops outside the saniwa's room. ]

You go on in. She wants me to go to repairs for now, so I'll be there when you're finished.

( It's a relief to hear that she will help but will isn't the same as already. Is he relieved that he hasn't been helped already, though? Ah, no, of course that isn't the case. He would be a horrible healer to wish prolonged pain on someone else. The saniwa's reasoning seems reasonable though and when they get to the saniwa's room, Hakusan stops in front of it, looking at Chougi and at the door.

So... Chougi isn't going inside with him? It will just be him and the saniwa...

He nods understandingly and reaches to open the saniwa's door with a very polite "Pardon me for intruding..."

He stays with the saniwa for what feels like a long time. There's much to discuss and... he isn't very good with words or expressing himself. But the saniwa is kind and patient and too understanding. She asks the right questions and helps him find the right words without choosing them for him and when its' all over, he feels heavy and overwhelmed. It's a lot to process and when he leaves, it's quietly and with too much on his mind.

Of course, Hakusan can't be bothered all day and summoned by the saniwa for so long without Ichigo noticing. He's observant when it comes to his siblings and before Hakusan can go to Chougi, Ichigo also speaks to him. Its another difficult conversation and by the time he finishes, its late. Too late.

He wonders if Chougi has maybe retired to their room for the night instead but he stops by repairs first. There, Chougi rests and quietly, Hakusan takes a seat next to him, waiting patiently for him to wake up, watching him carefully. After a moment, he inches closer and reaches carefully to brush some of Chougi's hair from his face. It isn't easy to rest when you're struggling to breathe but he hopes Chougi can find it peacefully. )

[ Like he expected, there's very little repairs can actually do for him, though having his blade tended to does make it a little easier to breathe. The citadel is quiet, and with nobody else in repairs right now it doesn't matter if he stays and waits. Chougi doesn't mean to fall asleep, but by now he's been awake for a very long time, and despite his best intentions to sit up and wait for Hakusan, he eventually nods off.

His breathing is actually relatively easy when Hakusan finds him sleeping. There's a slight wheeze to it, but nothing alarming, and he hasn't had a coughing fit in a few hours.

He's sleeping deeply enough that he doesn't wake up right away when Hakusan enters or even when Hakusan brushes some hair from his face. But after a few more minutes of quiet, Chougi shifts in his sleep, slowly blinking his way awake. ]

Mmmn? When did you get here?

[ The last part of that gets interrupted by a huge yawn. If Chougi is this tired after a nap, then poor Hakusan must be wiped out. Chougi doubts he got much sleep while waiting. ]

How'd your talk with Aruji go?

( Pulling his hand away, he sets it in his lap and frowns when Chougi wakes. When he got here isn't very important but as for how his talk with the saniwa went...?

He's quiet, not sure how to answer.

It... went. There's a lot to think about and even with help from the saniwa and Ichigo, it's difficult speaking. )

... I don't know.

[ Chougi sits up and stretches carefully. He's not bothered by Hakusan's response, it's about what he expects. ]

I thought you might say that.

[ He doesn't mean it badly, and though he doesn't think Hakusan will interpret it badly, he clarifies anyway. ]

The last couple days have probably been a lot for you to take in, huh.

( He nods. Yes, it's been a lot. A lot more than he thought he'd be able to really handle properly. Actually, he doesn't even think he's handled it well at all. Chougi wouldn't be suffering if he was better. )

Your condition... is because of me?

( He hadn't meant for it to be a question but by the end, his uncertainty broke through. )

Edited (when you start typing one thing and change it h e h ) 2019-03-19 17:15 (UTC)

No.

[ He doesn't even hesitate. No, absolutely not. To Chougi, Hakusan's uncertainty sounds like he's placing the blame for Chougi's worsening condition on himself. And that won't do. ]

My condition isn't because of anything you did. It's me, okay? It's all on me. Whatever happens from here on out, none of it is your fault.

( Ah, but that isn't true and he shakes his head, no. )

Hanahaki disease is caused by the unrequited feelings from the one you love. If I am the one you love then I am to blame.

( And so, it is his fault. It is most certainly caused by him and Chougi cannot convince him otherwise. There's something more he wishes to say and he hopes Chougi won't attempt to argue with him and interrupt his thoughts. As if to make sure Hakusan has time, Melon approaches Chougi and places a paw on his knee and watches Hakusan as he searches for his words, )

Love is the greatest happiness. ( A belief that may seem surprising to most. But he is, after all, a dowry sword and a symbol of happiness. ) Whether it is between husband and wife or mother and son, love can be shared between both worlds.

( Even into the world of death, the world of spirits. )

But I...Do not understand it. ( Even though he is a dowry sword. Even though he is a symbol of happiness. ) Such as how a katana can love a tsurugi.

( Or rather, why. )

[ Smart move on Melon's part. Chougi was absolutely going to interrupt before the paw on his knee distracted him. Instead he pets Melon, listening and wishing he wasn't.

Maybe he can at least explain himself, even if Hakusan is never able to really understand it. ]

It doesn't...have anything to do with being a katana or a tsurugi or human or not human. It's because you're kind, no matter how hard the government tried to turn you into something that runs on pure logic. And you're patient and...warm. And I-- fuck--

[ And he'd been doing so well, too. Chougi tries to take a deep breath to stave off the coughing, but it doesn't work. The fit lasts a very long time this time, and some of the hydrangea flowers are tinged with flecks of bright red. Chougi covers the ones he can by reflex. He doesn't want Hakusan to see them. ]

I knew...you were a dowry sword...and I thought... [ He has to catch his breath. ] I thought you probably hated fighting...the injuries that came with it. I wanted to be stronger. So...so that even if you can heal me, you'd never have to and...and I don't think I'm making sense. Sorry, Hime.

( Kind. He's heard that before, from his brothers and some of the others here. It was strange to be called that but he could understand why they might say it. He healed them and fought along with them, looking out for them as a comrade. Of course they would think he is kind. Because they are all kind spirits.

The other things though. Patient, warm... he's never been called that before and it catches him completely off guard. It even makes him... feel a little warm? Light? It's strange but before he can really think about it Chougi begins to cough. He begins to move, stirring to comfort him but uncertain. How can he help? What can he do? He knows what he should do but...

Why...

Can't he...

He bows his head in shame, curling his fingers into the fabric of his clothes and shrinks as Chougi tries to help him. He always does that. From the moment Hakusan first arrived at this citadel, Chougi had helped him settle and learn. What he feels is shame for being unable to do more-- to make things right. Why is Chougi apologizing? It should be... )

I'm sorry.

( The words slip from his mouth before he can even really get everything together but he lowers himself into a low and formal bow. )

The one who is kind is you. From my first day you have patiently cared for me. When I could not speak well, you helped me and when I was uncertain, you taught me clearly. Yamanbagiri Chougi-sama is my first.... ( His speech has always been formal and polite but now, it feels particularly formal, like someone humbling themselves greatly before someone. There's a sharp inhale, like the beginning of a cry and indeed, his shoulders begin to tremble, ) friend.

And now... he is hurt and I can't... heal him.

( It hurts. This feeling in his chest, twisting his heart and making him feel like he could break right now. It hurts his throat, making him breathless, and he sniffs, )

If only... If only he had loved someone else for surely anyone would love him. Because how could someone not...?

( How could he not? And if only he was better at expressing himself and if only he understood this new, overwhelming feeling, he would be able to tell Chougi that he loved him too because he does and Chougi might be able to feel it, even if the words aren't quite hitting the mark. )

[ Friend. This is the first time Hakusan has expressed his feelings toward someone else so clearly and Chougi feels so very proud of him even as the specific word stings. But what stings even worse is the sound of Hakusan's sharp inhale and the trembling of his shoulders. ]

No-- No, Hime. Hakusan.

[ Chougi leans forward and puts his hands on Hakusan's shoulders. Look at him. He called you by name and he never does that. Look at him, Hakusan. ]

I will be okay.

[ The weird thing is, he actually believes it when he says it. ]

And even if I'm not, that's okay, too. Because even if I had the chance, I wouldn't ever want to change the way I feel...about you.

( His shoulders still shake under Chougi's touch and he knows he should look up. Chougi wants him to look up but he feels so weak, like he could just lie down on the floor and let this feeling crush him. It's with much effort that he picks himself up, his hair slightly disheveled, his eyes bleary, and face wet with tears. How can Chougi still be so kind? How can he say that still when he's in so much pain?

With a shuddering breath, he tries to wipe away tears. Breathily from behind his sleeve, he cries, )

I want... To love Yamanbagiri Chougi...!

( He wants to. He wants to love him so badly. The tears won't stop. Ah, what is this? He can't remember every crying before. )

What is... this?

( Chougi, why is he like this!!! )

[ He's...never seen Hakusan cry before. Honestly, he wasn't entirely sure Hakusan could cry. Whatever he'd been planning to say once he got Hakusan to look at him flies out of his mind while he just takes in what he's seeing. Poor Hakusan looks absolutely terrible and yet--

And yet, seeing his tear-stained face makes a little of the tightness in Chougi's chest unravel.

Chougi very gently pulls Hakusan's hands away from his face. ]

I think...this might be the first time you've ever gotten frustrated enough to cry.

[ Maybe it's a little mean, but Chougi is secretly happy he's the one who's gotten to see this. ]

( His hands are pulled away and he lowers his head, trying to hide his face some. He knows he doesn't look presentable and that's... rather shameful, isn't it?

But is that the explanation? He's... frustrated? Yes, that seems right but of course, Chougi usually is. )

How... ( He hiccups, ) How can it stop?

[ He shouldn't laugh. He shouldn't. But Hakusan looks charmingly distressed and in the end Chougi can't stiffle a very small chuckle. He doesn't even notice that it's not followed with a cough. ]

You're gonna have to wait it out. These human bodies of ours are inconvenient that way.

[ ...Y'know what else he shouldn't do but is going to anyway? Chougi ducks down so Hakusan can't hide from him and presses a quick, soft kiss to his cheek. Just this once. Since he might never get the chance to again, he figures. ]

Ah?

( It's not that he doesn't like it but he's so set on hiding his face, when Chougi kisses him, he flinches away, covering his face with his sleeves again, looking over them demurely. A kiss.... what a human thing.

But there's something more. In all of his distress, he's still ever observant. Something is different and he lowers his sleeve, reaching out to touch Chougi's chest with his fingers. )

Your condition... ( He scoots closer, focusing his senses, ) It is improving...?

( But then that would mean. )

[ He's seen Hakusan hide in his sleeves a million times before, but the way he peeks over them is also new. And cute.

Shit, he's really got it bad, doesn't he? Too bad he--

Wait, what? ]

It...really? You're sure?

[ It's true that although his chest still aches, it doesn't feel nearly as tight as it did. Nor does he feel like he's about to start coughing any moment. But that would mean... ]

Hime. You do.

[ Love him. ]

( He's quiet, Melon approaching and observing with Hakusan. It isn't completely improved but yes. He's certain that Chougi is healing. He's watched Chougi's health deteriorate for so long, he's acutely aware of even this small change.

He pulls back when Chougi says the exact thing that Hakusan was also thinking. )

Eh? ( It's soft, confused and he raises his sleeve to his face again but this time, he ducks behind it, seemingly needing a moment to collect himself and think. The only way this could be cured is if the one Chougi loves returns the feelings and so if Chougi is getting better... ) I... do?

( He...

Ah.

Quietly, uncertainly, )

I love Yamanbagiri Chougi...?

( Is that possible? Can someone like him truly love someone else? Even though he is a tsurugi and unable to act human like katana....? Melon hops onto his shoulder, nuzzling his face, almost encouragingly, )

I... love Yamanbagiri Chougi.

4 ❀ 花吐き病

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