minutemen | 4 ❀ 花吐き病

( If only he could heal him for good.

He still isn't convinced but Chougi has always been someone he could trust in his time here so (perhaps against his better judgement) he let's it go for now. It sits with him uncomfortably, knowing that this still doesn't seem right. That it isn't right.

Until he can figure out the best course of action, he'll continue to tend to Chougi to the best of his ability, in the morning, at night, whenever he can whether it be by healing or offering tea. This time, after what feels like too many ineffective sessions, he holds his tsurugi in his hands, looking at the blade thoughtfully and then at Chougi. It's after dinner and getting late, the air will become cool and that won't help. )

Requesting to administer direct healing. ( Stabbing, he means stabbing. The fact that he asks first is proof of some of how he's grown since being at this citadel. The fact that he offers to explain is even more, ) Current methods are ineffective.

( From his shoulder, Melon watches curiously. )

[ Not just ineffective. After some of them, Chougi even seems worse than he was before them. Which is probably why he hesitates at the request. ]

Direct? Are you serious?

[ Haku, where exactly are you planning on stabbing him? Nope, Chougi doesn't like this at all. He's not a huge fan of the thoughtful look on Haku's face, either, not entirely sure how to translate it. Nor how to translate the fact that Haku actually attempted to explain, when he's never needed to before. Not with Chougi anyway. ]

...Fine. You haven't tried it yet so fine.

[ He shrugs out of his jacket and starts unbuttoning his shirt. ]

But I don't want to turn the direct method into a regular thing, okay? Getting stabbed in an emergency is bad enough.

Yes.

( He's serious.

He frowns, watching Chougi remove his shirt. He doesn't like that he can't see what's wrong. He can't now the full extent of the damage. How far as the infection spread? How bad is it really?

Sword in hand, he kneels down next to Chougi and touches the ground next to him, motioning for Chougi to lie down in front of him so that he can work. He doesn't make any promises that this won't happen again. It's getting harder to keep these secrets and promises.

Once Chougi does, he raises his blade over Chougi's chest, closes his eyes in what looks like prayer, and brings the blade plunging into his chest. It cuts through but not like an ordinary physical blade. It's cold like steel and sharp like a knife. Like being plunged into ice water, feeling the shock and then nothing from the cold. It isn't a pleasant feeling but sometimes you have to suffer to grow stronger. That's what he was told back then, at least. )

[ It's awful. Really awful. He's never been a fan of the feeling, but right now it's somehow so much worse. It's like a shock of cold water directly to his lungs and his lungs hate it. ]

Haku--

[ He grabs Hakusan's wrist. This is bad. Let him go. It's not helping, it's making it worse. He doesn't understand how, but it is. ]

( He draws back the knife, the wound it leaves behind heals but slower than it would have if he was in healthy condition. It doesn't take long for Melon to come over either, placing a paw gently on Chougi before climbing onto his chest. For a no good communication device, he's soft and warm.

Chougi looks down at his wrist, still held by Chougi and at the blade in his hand. )

Ah...

( There's something on the blade and with his other hand, he traces the flat with his finger, holding it up to see. Hydrangea flowers. Small and stuck to the steel. )

Why...?

( Why is nothing helping? Is there really only a certain way to cure this? His hands tremble, his fingers curling into a fist, the other holding his sword tight. )

[ There's a distinctly threatening rattle when Chougi sucks in his next breath, but at least he manages not to start coughing. He releases Hakusan's wrist and tentatively pets Melon instead. The circumstances might suck, but hey, he's never gotten to pet Melon before -- he'll take his victories where he can find them. ]

It's okay, Hime. You tried.

[ Ugh, okay, he has to cough a little bit. He manages to rein it in, partly because Melon is on him and partly because he's trying not to upset Hakusan any worse than he obviously already is. ]

You did the best you could.

[ Looks like he might have to tell Aruji about this and go see Yagen after all... ]

... It's not.

( Okay. This is the opposite of okay and thinking about it makes his chest twist as if he can feel some of Chougi's pain. But it's true that he's done the best he can and he shakes his head. That can't be true. There has to be something more. There is something more and he holds his sword tightly, speaking quietly, )

The one you love. ( He knows the stories. He'd thought they were just stories but that's all he has to go on for now. ) Who is it?

[ Oh. Of course. Of course Hakusan knows the stories. If he didn't, he would have researched them. Chougi shakes his head slowly. ]

...Doesn't matter.

[ It's not like Hakusan could do anything about it even if he knew. Sure, he's changed a lot since arriving at the citadel, grown warmer in some ways, softer in some ways, but he's still Hakusan. Slightly distant. On something of a pedestal. While Chougi has absolute faith that Hakusan will eventually reconnect with all the emotions he's shut off, he doubts it will come in time to stop the progression of this. ]

Even if you knew...you can't make someone love you back.

They must.

( That's it. They must. If they don't, Chougi will only get worse. Both hands on the ground, his finger tips come together to form a triangle tip and he leans forward. It's a half bow, incredibly formal and polite but pleading, )

They must know.

( So they can at least try to help. )

...Shit. Hime.

[ He finally sits up, cradling Melon against his chest carefully. Don't fall, buddy. ]

Don't...don't do that.

[ No, this isn't what should have happened. Hakusan being disappointed, Chougi could handle that. If he was upset, Chougi could handle that, too. But Hakusan pleading? Hakusan coming to him with a kind of formality that he's never used before -- not with Chougi, anyway. ]

It...he...

[ He can't. He can't say it. It won't matter, it won't change anything, all it will do is upset Hakusan further and it still won't fix Chougi. ]

...It's you.

( Melon shifts, curling against Chougi and this time, the fox watches Hakusan.

Hakusan's eyes widen, a surprised expression falling on a usually neutral face. It doesn't compute. It doesn't make sense. He's a tsurugi and thus, unable to act like katana. He's eerie and stiff, his personality straight and lacking character like the edge of his blade. The first words to spill from his lips are a flat, )

It's not possible.

( It's just not. There must be someone else. Someone more adequate. )

[ Yeah...That's about what he expected.

Chougi puts Melon down; he can feel another fit trying to start. Sure enough, he starts coughing, and it lasts for too long this time. He really is worse. It takes a while to finally calm down, but once it does, he looks Hakusan in the eye. ]

You asked, Hime. Have I ever lied to you?

( About going to repairs. About going to the saniwa. But everyone lies about that.

Chougi begins to cough and he braces himself, sword still held tight in his hand as if he could try to cut out the flowers at any moment. Of course, he decides against it and when the fit passes, he rises to his feet, )

Aruji-sama must know.

( That's it. There's no other choice now. )

[ Okay but about the things that matter, Haku.

Hakusan rises and Chougi reaches out to grab one of his hanging sleeves. ]

Haku--

[ No. Maybe this is better. Maybe he should have done this long ago instead of letting it fester. ]

Let...let me talk to her. There is one other way to fix this.

[ One he suspects Hakusan already knows. ]

( Removing the flowers by force, cutting them and ripping them out by their root until there's nothing left in more than one sense of the word. There won't be anything. The feelings that had given the flowers nutrients will also be gone. That's good. Good? He won't be sick anymore so surely, that's a good thing.

But in his chest, his heart hurts. Hakusan Yoshimitsu is a dowry sword, one that was given as a symbol of good will to promote love and happiness. Those are... important things, even if he can't fully understand them for himself.

He looks down at his sleeve and pulls it away from Chougi's hand gently. )

Talk to her. Now.

( Right now or he absolutely will. )

I'll go.

[ It's a promise. Chougi gets to his feet and puts his shirt back on, though it's still untucked when he leaves. And then he's gone. For a long time. A very long time. He doesn't come back that night, actually. And he's noticeably absent at breakfast, too. Their master is absent, too, and anyone who knocks on the door is gently but firmly rebuffed. Seems like she wants to make sure she gets the whole story, every detail.

He finally comes back to their room a little after dinner, looking exhausted. It's been a very long day. ]

Aruji said she wants to talk to you, too.

[ Apparently, she wants to hear Hakusan's opinion of the situation before they do anything. For the moment, Chougi's feelings are still firmly in place, along with the flowers in his lungs. ]

(Chougi doesn't come back at night. He knows because he waited up for him, thinking he would return. When he does, he wants to check his condition but he never comes and likewise, Hakusan never sleeps.

His absence in the morning doesn't go unnoticed either and not just by him. He doesn't always sit with Chougi for breakfast (sometimes he sits with his brothers) but in the morning, he'd seemed a little more lost despite having been here and grown used to the routine of things. His brothers pull him over towards their table and try to have a conversation with him, asking him where Chougi is and if everything is all right. (He's been sick recently. Is he in bed? Can we visit him? Or is he in repairs?)

By afternoon, he's tired from the lack of sleep, not paying attention and his brothers begin to ask different questions. It's Midare that notices the more subtle differences on his face-- how tired and puffy his eyes look from not resting and they take their new brother aside, trying to give him some space and a chance to express himself the best he can.

When Chougi finally returns, he's waiting with his brothers. Sitting quietly in their room, petting Melon while his brothers suddenly stop talking about whatever they'd been whispering about until now. They express their surprise when they see Chougi more vocally than Hakusan who sits up alert and at attention in front of Chougi, ready to move at any moment.

At the request, he's on his feet, Melon on his shoulder and he follows (very) closely behind Chougi.)

Did aruji-sama help? (What did she do? Chougi's clearly not better. Was it beyond her help? Was it too late?) Your condition is the same.

(He's not sure if this is a good or bad thing.)

[ A room full of Toushirous is...not exactly something Chougi wanted to see when he first arrived. He waves them all off as politely as he's able to before turning down the hall again with Hakusan trailing along behind. No, behind is no good. Chougi adjusts so they can walk side by side. ]

She said she will help.

[ Though not immediately. Chougi isn't sure if her gentle order for patience is a good or a bad thing. He wants to think it's good, but...

Well. As long as she helps him eventually. ]

But before she does anything or makes any decision, she said she wants to talk to you and get your perception of the situation.

[ More specifically, she said she wanted to speak with Hakusan and determine for herself if she needs to intervene or not. But Hakusan's perception of the situation is a vital factor in her final decision, that's true.

Chougi stops outside the saniwa's room. ]

You go on in. She wants me to go to repairs for now, so I'll be there when you're finished.

( It's a relief to hear that she will help but will isn't the same as already. Is he relieved that he hasn't been helped already, though? Ah, no, of course that isn't the case. He would be a horrible healer to wish prolonged pain on someone else. The saniwa's reasoning seems reasonable though and when they get to the saniwa's room, Hakusan stops in front of it, looking at Chougi and at the door.

So... Chougi isn't going inside with him? It will just be him and the saniwa...

He nods understandingly and reaches to open the saniwa's door with a very polite "Pardon me for intruding..."

He stays with the saniwa for what feels like a long time. There's much to discuss and... he isn't very good with words or expressing himself. But the saniwa is kind and patient and too understanding. She asks the right questions and helps him find the right words without choosing them for him and when its' all over, he feels heavy and overwhelmed. It's a lot to process and when he leaves, it's quietly and with too much on his mind.

Of course, Hakusan can't be bothered all day and summoned by the saniwa for so long without Ichigo noticing. He's observant when it comes to his siblings and before Hakusan can go to Chougi, Ichigo also speaks to him. Its another difficult conversation and by the time he finishes, its late. Too late.

He wonders if Chougi has maybe retired to their room for the night instead but he stops by repairs first. There, Chougi rests and quietly, Hakusan takes a seat next to him, waiting patiently for him to wake up, watching him carefully. After a moment, he inches closer and reaches carefully to brush some of Chougi's hair from his face. It isn't easy to rest when you're struggling to breathe but he hopes Chougi can find it peacefully. )

[ Like he expected, there's very little repairs can actually do for him, though having his blade tended to does make it a little easier to breathe. The citadel is quiet, and with nobody else in repairs right now it doesn't matter if he stays and waits. Chougi doesn't mean to fall asleep, but by now he's been awake for a very long time, and despite his best intentions to sit up and wait for Hakusan, he eventually nods off.

His breathing is actually relatively easy when Hakusan finds him sleeping. There's a slight wheeze to it, but nothing alarming, and he hasn't had a coughing fit in a few hours.

He's sleeping deeply enough that he doesn't wake up right away when Hakusan enters or even when Hakusan brushes some hair from his face. But after a few more minutes of quiet, Chougi shifts in his sleep, slowly blinking his way awake. ]

Mmmn? When did you get here?

[ The last part of that gets interrupted by a huge yawn. If Chougi is this tired after a nap, then poor Hakusan must be wiped out. Chougi doubts he got much sleep while waiting. ]

How'd your talk with Aruji go?

( Pulling his hand away, he sets it in his lap and frowns when Chougi wakes. When he got here isn't very important but as for how his talk with the saniwa went...?

He's quiet, not sure how to answer.

It... went. There's a lot to think about and even with help from the saniwa and Ichigo, it's difficult speaking. )

... I don't know.

[ Chougi sits up and stretches carefully. He's not bothered by Hakusan's response, it's about what he expects. ]

I thought you might say that.

[ He doesn't mean it badly, and though he doesn't think Hakusan will interpret it badly, he clarifies anyway. ]

The last couple days have probably been a lot for you to take in, huh.

( He nods. Yes, it's been a lot. A lot more than he thought he'd be able to really handle properly. Actually, he doesn't even think he's handled it well at all. Chougi wouldn't be suffering if he was better. )

Your condition... is because of me?

( He hadn't meant for it to be a question but by the end, his uncertainty broke through. )

Edited (when you start typing one thing and change it h e h ) 2019-03-19 17:15 (UTC)

No.

[ He doesn't even hesitate. No, absolutely not. To Chougi, Hakusan's uncertainty sounds like he's placing the blame for Chougi's worsening condition on himself. And that won't do. ]

My condition isn't because of anything you did. It's me, okay? It's all on me. Whatever happens from here on out, none of it is your fault.

( Ah, but that isn't true and he shakes his head, no. )

Hanahaki disease is caused by the unrequited feelings from the one you love. If I am the one you love then I am to blame.

( And so, it is his fault. It is most certainly caused by him and Chougi cannot convince him otherwise. There's something more he wishes to say and he hopes Chougi won't attempt to argue with him and interrupt his thoughts. As if to make sure Hakusan has time, Melon approaches Chougi and places a paw on his knee and watches Hakusan as he searches for his words, )

Love is the greatest happiness. ( A belief that may seem surprising to most. But he is, after all, a dowry sword and a symbol of happiness. ) Whether it is between husband and wife or mother and son, love can be shared between both worlds.

( Even into the world of death, the world of spirits. )

But I...Do not understand it. ( Even though he is a dowry sword. Even though he is a symbol of happiness. ) Such as how a katana can love a tsurugi.

( Or rather, why. )

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