minutemen | 4 ❀ 花吐き病

( Pulling his hand away, he sets it in his lap and frowns when Chougi wakes. When he got here isn't very important but as for how his talk with the saniwa went...?

He's quiet, not sure how to answer.

It... went. There's a lot to think about and even with help from the saniwa and Ichigo, it's difficult speaking. )

... I don't know.

[ Chougi sits up and stretches carefully. He's not bothered by Hakusan's response, it's about what he expects. ]

I thought you might say that.

[ He doesn't mean it badly, and though he doesn't think Hakusan will interpret it badly, he clarifies anyway. ]

The last couple days have probably been a lot for you to take in, huh.

( He nods. Yes, it's been a lot. A lot more than he thought he'd be able to really handle properly. Actually, he doesn't even think he's handled it well at all. Chougi wouldn't be suffering if he was better. )

Your condition... is because of me?

( He hadn't meant for it to be a question but by the end, his uncertainty broke through. )

Edited (when you start typing one thing and change it h e h ) 2019-03-19 17:15 (UTC)

No.

[ He doesn't even hesitate. No, absolutely not. To Chougi, Hakusan's uncertainty sounds like he's placing the blame for Chougi's worsening condition on himself. And that won't do. ]

My condition isn't because of anything you did. It's me, okay? It's all on me. Whatever happens from here on out, none of it is your fault.

( Ah, but that isn't true and he shakes his head, no. )

Hanahaki disease is caused by the unrequited feelings from the one you love. If I am the one you love then I am to blame.

( And so, it is his fault. It is most certainly caused by him and Chougi cannot convince him otherwise. There's something more he wishes to say and he hopes Chougi won't attempt to argue with him and interrupt his thoughts. As if to make sure Hakusan has time, Melon approaches Chougi and places a paw on his knee and watches Hakusan as he searches for his words, )

Love is the greatest happiness. ( A belief that may seem surprising to most. But he is, after all, a dowry sword and a symbol of happiness. ) Whether it is between husband and wife or mother and son, love can be shared between both worlds.

( Even into the world of death, the world of spirits. )

But I...Do not understand it. ( Even though he is a dowry sword. Even though he is a symbol of happiness. ) Such as how a katana can love a tsurugi.

( Or rather, why. )

[ Smart move on Melon's part. Chougi was absolutely going to interrupt before the paw on his knee distracted him. Instead he pets Melon, listening and wishing he wasn't.

Maybe he can at least explain himself, even if Hakusan is never able to really understand it. ]

It doesn't...have anything to do with being a katana or a tsurugi or human or not human. It's because you're kind, no matter how hard the government tried to turn you into something that runs on pure logic. And you're patient and...warm. And I-- fuck--

[ And he'd been doing so well, too. Chougi tries to take a deep breath to stave off the coughing, but it doesn't work. The fit lasts a very long time this time, and some of the hydrangea flowers are tinged with flecks of bright red. Chougi covers the ones he can by reflex. He doesn't want Hakusan to see them. ]

I knew...you were a dowry sword...and I thought... [ He has to catch his breath. ] I thought you probably hated fighting...the injuries that came with it. I wanted to be stronger. So...so that even if you can heal me, you'd never have to and...and I don't think I'm making sense. Sorry, Hime.

( Kind. He's heard that before, from his brothers and some of the others here. It was strange to be called that but he could understand why they might say it. He healed them and fought along with them, looking out for them as a comrade. Of course they would think he is kind. Because they are all kind spirits.

The other things though. Patient, warm... he's never been called that before and it catches him completely off guard. It even makes him... feel a little warm? Light? It's strange but before he can really think about it Chougi begins to cough. He begins to move, stirring to comfort him but uncertain. How can he help? What can he do? He knows what he should do but...

Why...

Can't he...

He bows his head in shame, curling his fingers into the fabric of his clothes and shrinks as Chougi tries to help him. He always does that. From the moment Hakusan first arrived at this citadel, Chougi had helped him settle and learn. What he feels is shame for being unable to do more-- to make things right. Why is Chougi apologizing? It should be... )

I'm sorry.

( The words slip from his mouth before he can even really get everything together but he lowers himself into a low and formal bow. )

The one who is kind is you. From my first day you have patiently cared for me. When I could not speak well, you helped me and when I was uncertain, you taught me clearly. Yamanbagiri Chougi-sama is my first.... ( His speech has always been formal and polite but now, it feels particularly formal, like someone humbling themselves greatly before someone. There's a sharp inhale, like the beginning of a cry and indeed, his shoulders begin to tremble, ) friend.

And now... he is hurt and I can't... heal him.

( It hurts. This feeling in his chest, twisting his heart and making him feel like he could break right now. It hurts his throat, making him breathless, and he sniffs, )

If only... If only he had loved someone else for surely anyone would love him. Because how could someone not...?

( How could he not? And if only he was better at expressing himself and if only he understood this new, overwhelming feeling, he would be able to tell Chougi that he loved him too because he does and Chougi might be able to feel it, even if the words aren't quite hitting the mark. )

[ Friend. This is the first time Hakusan has expressed his feelings toward someone else so clearly and Chougi feels so very proud of him even as the specific word stings. But what stings even worse is the sound of Hakusan's sharp inhale and the trembling of his shoulders. ]

No-- No, Hime. Hakusan.

[ Chougi leans forward and puts his hands on Hakusan's shoulders. Look at him. He called you by name and he never does that. Look at him, Hakusan. ]

I will be okay.

[ The weird thing is, he actually believes it when he says it. ]

And even if I'm not, that's okay, too. Because even if I had the chance, I wouldn't ever want to change the way I feel...about you.

( His shoulders still shake under Chougi's touch and he knows he should look up. Chougi wants him to look up but he feels so weak, like he could just lie down on the floor and let this feeling crush him. It's with much effort that he picks himself up, his hair slightly disheveled, his eyes bleary, and face wet with tears. How can Chougi still be so kind? How can he say that still when he's in so much pain?

With a shuddering breath, he tries to wipe away tears. Breathily from behind his sleeve, he cries, )

I want... To love Yamanbagiri Chougi...!

( He wants to. He wants to love him so badly. The tears won't stop. Ah, what is this? He can't remember every crying before. )

What is... this?

( Chougi, why is he like this!!! )

[ He's...never seen Hakusan cry before. Honestly, he wasn't entirely sure Hakusan could cry. Whatever he'd been planning to say once he got Hakusan to look at him flies out of his mind while he just takes in what he's seeing. Poor Hakusan looks absolutely terrible and yet--

And yet, seeing his tear-stained face makes a little of the tightness in Chougi's chest unravel.

Chougi very gently pulls Hakusan's hands away from his face. ]

I think...this might be the first time you've ever gotten frustrated enough to cry.

[ Maybe it's a little mean, but Chougi is secretly happy he's the one who's gotten to see this. ]

( His hands are pulled away and he lowers his head, trying to hide his face some. He knows he doesn't look presentable and that's... rather shameful, isn't it?

But is that the explanation? He's... frustrated? Yes, that seems right but of course, Chougi usually is. )

How... ( He hiccups, ) How can it stop?

[ He shouldn't laugh. He shouldn't. But Hakusan looks charmingly distressed and in the end Chougi can't stiffle a very small chuckle. He doesn't even notice that it's not followed with a cough. ]

You're gonna have to wait it out. These human bodies of ours are inconvenient that way.

[ ...Y'know what else he shouldn't do but is going to anyway? Chougi ducks down so Hakusan can't hide from him and presses a quick, soft kiss to his cheek. Just this once. Since he might never get the chance to again, he figures. ]

Ah?

( It's not that he doesn't like it but he's so set on hiding his face, when Chougi kisses him, he flinches away, covering his face with his sleeves again, looking over them demurely. A kiss.... what a human thing.

But there's something more. In all of his distress, he's still ever observant. Something is different and he lowers his sleeve, reaching out to touch Chougi's chest with his fingers. )

Your condition... ( He scoots closer, focusing his senses, ) It is improving...?

( But then that would mean. )

[ He's seen Hakusan hide in his sleeves a million times before, but the way he peeks over them is also new. And cute.

Shit, he's really got it bad, doesn't he? Too bad he--

Wait, what? ]

It...really? You're sure?

[ It's true that although his chest still aches, it doesn't feel nearly as tight as it did. Nor does he feel like he's about to start coughing any moment. But that would mean... ]

Hime. You do.

[ Love him. ]

( He's quiet, Melon approaching and observing with Hakusan. It isn't completely improved but yes. He's certain that Chougi is healing. He's watched Chougi's health deteriorate for so long, he's acutely aware of even this small change.

He pulls back when Chougi says the exact thing that Hakusan was also thinking. )

Eh? ( It's soft, confused and he raises his sleeve to his face again but this time, he ducks behind it, seemingly needing a moment to collect himself and think. The only way this could be cured is if the one Chougi loves returns the feelings and so if Chougi is getting better... ) I... do?

( He...

Ah.

Quietly, uncertainly, )

I love Yamanbagiri Chougi...?

( Is that possible? Can someone like him truly love someone else? Even though he is a tsurugi and unable to act human like katana....? Melon hops onto his shoulder, nuzzling his face, almost encouragingly, )

I... love Yamanbagiri Chougi.

[ Oh. Wow.

Chougi laughs gleefully, pausing for a moment to cough -- that tickle in his chest isn't entirely gone and won't be for a while, but the coughing only lasts a fraction of the time it did before and then he's right back to laughing.

His feelings aren't unrequited, the miracle he didn't expect to get happened after all. Hakusan just needed a little more time to figure it out. ]

You do. You love me and I love you and I'm gonna be okay. Hime--

[ He's grinning a little stupidly, but cut him some slack, he's exhausted. A little bit of over the top giddiness in this situation is to be expected. ]

Hime, you healed me! You fixed it!

( Chougi coughs and there's a brief moment of panic. Is he still sick? Of course, it'll take more than a few moments to recover completely after being sick fo so long. The laughing puts him back at peace though and he frowns, watching curiously.

What's so funny? Was it something he said? He hadn't said anything humorous at all and this situation isn't really something he would laugh at...

But while Chougi laughs, and says he's been healed and that can't be. He's been so convinced he would be unable to love because he was a tsurugi and so poor at emotions but here, Chougi is better and the only way that could be would be if Hakusan loved him.

He touches his cheek,. )

Ah... ( And then he leans into himself some, touching his chest with his other hand, ) Eh? ( And then he glances at Chougi before looking back down, focusing on this feeling in his chest, ) Eh...?!

( Is this it? )

Is this... love...?

( By comparison, he must sound quiet next to Chougi's laughter. )

[ He's so uncertain and quiet, and Chougi wouldn't have him any other way. Well, the quiet part, anyway. He's hoping some time in this citadel will help Hakusan stop second-guessing his ability to fit in. He's still a sword, after all. Still "one of them." ]

I think so. I think it's gotta be. Here, look.

[ Chougi sits up straight and takes as deep a breath as he can and lets it out slowly again. And he only coughs a little bit at the end. Probably strained his still recovering lungs a little bit with that. Oops. ]

I can breathe, Hime. Thanks to you.

[ And since Hakusan isn't currently hiding behind his sleeves, Chougi's going to take advantage of that and kiss his other cheek. Just because he can. ]

You worked so hard to heal me. And you did.

( He jumps when he's kissed again, his face feeling warm and his eyes starting to water again.

Scooting closer, he reaches out hesitantly to touch Chougi's chest, just to feel him breathe unobstructed. He doesn't have to keep his hand there for as long as he does but his touch lingers. Every now and then, he hiccups, still trying to rein in these overwhelming emotions. His other hand slowly reaches for some of the fabric in Chougi's clothes, awkwardly thumbing it.

It's times like this where he's lucky to also have Melon. Still perched on his neck, the fox watches Chougi and then curls around he back of Hakusan's neck, cuddling close. Hug him, you sick sword, because Hakusan is too modest and uncertain to make any moves on his own. )

[ Lucky for them both, Chougi is fluent in "Hakusan" and at least a little more in touch with his own emotions. He's learned that for these human bodies of theirs, sometimes the best cure for tears is close contact. So that's what he gives Hakusan now. ]

C'mere. C'mon.

[ Hop down for a second, Melon. Chougi wraps his arms around Hakusan and pulls him closer. Since this is one of the repair rooms, there's a futon laid out, and although it might not be as cozy as the ones in their room it'll still be plenty comfortable. And more importantly, they don't need to leave the room to get to it. Rather than leave to go back and risk getting bombarded with questions from curious Toushirous, a little privacy is probably better.

Plus, Chougi kind of wants to keep Hakusan all to himself for just a little bit. Let him revel in this change of events for a few hours. So he tugs Hakusan over to the futon and gets them both settled on it and lying down. Melon can lie on top of Hakusan, but he better let Chougi cuddle Hakusan, too. ]

The last couple days have been rough. I think we'll both feel better if we get some sleep. Yeah?

( Melon obliges for now and hops down, stepping aside to give the two of them room. Of course, he isn't going to leave Hakusan alone, though, even if it's with Chougi. His sword boy is upset and he wants to be close to him to make sure he's fine.

As for Hakusan, he moves easily, leaning into Chougi as he's led over towards the futon. It does register in his mind that they're sharing a bed. They're going to share a bed and... isn't that... intimate? But he thinks about Ichigo and how he also sleeps with his brothers sometimes. There are different levels of intimacy and familiarness to consider and he's too exhausted to figure it out now.

Next to Chougi, he moves close, burying his face against his chest because his face is a mess and he can't help but feel... a little embarrassed(?) by this situation. He's sharing a bed with Chougi and they'll fall asleep together. Is this how they'll be from now on? There's a lot to think about but up close there's something else on his mind. Close to Chougi, feeling his chest rise and fall, he feels... )

... Warm. ( He's never noticed how warm it feels when two people get close. Not wanting to be left out, Melon also climbs onto Hakusan, ) It's nice.

[ Hakusan's a little embarrassed and Chougi's floating on cloud nine. While poor Hakusan is thinking about a dozen different things, Chougi's just soaking in a good dose of happiness. One he's sorely needed. One they've both needed.

He reaches up to give Melon a little pet. ]

Yeah. It's really nice.

[ It's nice and he's hoping they'll get to do this a lot more from now on. ]

Get some sleep, okay? I'll-- [ He breaks off, but this time it's for a huge yawn and not a cough. ] --I'll still be here in the morning.

( Hakusan will stay awake for a little longer, waiting to make sure Chougi's health is really on the mend. He's careful not to move too much so as to not disturb his rest but he'll shift a little just to make himself more comfortable. It doesn't take much, though. It feels... nice next to Chougi like this.

Really nice.

And he wonders,

Oohime, is this happiness...? )

4 ❀ 花吐き病

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