( Kind. He's heard that before, from his brothers and some of the others here. It was strange to be called that but he could understand why they might say it. He healed them and fought along with them, looking out for them as a comrade. Of course they would think he is kind. Because they are all kind spirits.
The other things though. Patient, warm... he's never been called that before and it catches him completely off guard. It even makes him... feel a little warm? Light? It's strange but before he can really think about it Chougi begins to cough. He begins to move, stirring to comfort him but uncertain. How can he help? What can he do? He knows what he should do but...
Why...
Can't he...
He bows his head in shame, curling his fingers into the fabric of his clothes and shrinks as Chougi tries to help him. He always does that. From the moment Hakusan first arrived at this citadel, Chougi had helped him settle and learn. What he feels is shame for being unable to do more-- to make things right. Why is Chougi apologizing? It should be... )
I'm sorry.
( The words slip from his mouth before he can even really get everything together but he lowers himself into a low and formal bow. )
The one who is kind is you. From my first day you have patiently cared for me. When I could not speak well, you helped me and when I was uncertain, you taught me clearly. Yamanbagiri Chougi-sama is my first.... ( His speech has always been formal and polite but now, it feels particularly formal, like someone humbling themselves greatly before someone. There's a sharp inhale, like the beginning of a cry and indeed, his shoulders begin to tremble, )friend.
And now... he is hurt and I can't... heal him.
( It hurts. This feeling in his chest, twisting his heart and making him feel like he could break right now. It hurts his throat, making him breathless, and he sniffs, )
If only... If only he had loved someone else for surely anyone would love him. Because how could someone not...?
( How could he not? And if only he was better at expressing himself and if only he understood this new, overwhelming feeling, he would be able to tell Chougi that he loved him too because he does and Chougi might be able to feel it, even if the words aren't quite hitting the mark. )
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The other things though. Patient, warm... he's never been called that before and it catches him completely off guard. It even makes him... feel a little warm? Light? It's strange but before he can really think about it Chougi begins to cough. He begins to move, stirring to comfort him but uncertain. How can he help? What can he do? He knows what he should do but...
Why...
Can't he...
He bows his head in shame, curling his fingers into the fabric of his clothes and shrinks as Chougi tries to help him. He always does that. From the moment Hakusan first arrived at this citadel, Chougi had helped him settle and learn. What he feels is shame for being unable to do more-- to make things right. Why is Chougi apologizing? It should be... )
I'm sorry.
( The words slip from his mouth before he can even really get everything together but he lowers himself into a low and formal bow. )
The one who is kind is you. From my first day you have patiently cared for me. When I could not speak well, you helped me and when I was uncertain, you taught me clearly. Yamanbagiri Chougi-sama is my first.... ( His speech has always been formal and polite but now, it feels particularly formal, like someone humbling themselves greatly before someone. There's a sharp inhale, like the beginning of a cry and indeed, his shoulders begin to tremble, ) friend.
And now... he is hurt and I can't... heal him.
( It hurts. This feeling in his chest, twisting his heart and making him feel like he could break right now. It hurts his throat, making him breathless, and he sniffs, )
If only... If only he had loved someone else for surely anyone would love him. Because how could someone not...?
( How could he not? And if only he was better at expressing himself and if only he understood this new, overwhelming feeling, he would be able to tell Chougi that he loved him too because he does and Chougi might be able to feel it, even if the words aren't quite hitting the mark. )