[...Of course it's him. All their time spent together becomes a clearer memory now, focusing on Nikkari's presence in particular and everything he's ever done, everything he's ever said, every look he's given Ishikirimaru - or withheld - and it all makes a great deal of agonizing sense.
Ishikirimaru may not have known what to do before, but now he's completely at a loss, and his body goes rigid as he processes those two simple words. It's him. It's his utter obliviousness that has sent Nikkari into this state. How could he have spent so much time with him and never realized? How could he have been so blind to everything?
It does help to explain his earlier feeling, though, that pang in his chest. Jealousy. What a fool he is. To be jealous of himself, of all things. Of all people!
But when Nikkari coughs again, more insistently this time, Ishikirimaru snaps out of his daze and pulls away enough to hold Nikkari more comfortably, as well as to get a better look at his face now. A face that is, even now in such desperate illness, so lovely, so elegant. But also a face that is pained and resigned. Ishikirimaru frowns and rubs his hand up and down Nikkari's back, trying to soothe though he knows it will do nothing for this kind of hurt.
Ishikirimaru is the cause of this, but now that he knows the truth, he is also the only one who can do something about it.]
...Forgive me.
[Oh...but that can sound like a rejection, can't it? He hurries onward.]
I've always known you were there and yet...somehow I never truly saw you until now.
[His hand trails upward to lightly brush over Nikkari's cheek. But there is a petal resting on his lips, leading to more scattered over his clothes and then countless that had fluttered aimlessly to the ground. So much yellow. Accusing. Blaming.
Killing.
Ishikirimaru takes a shaky breath, his voice quieter.]
no subject
Ishikirimaru may not have known what to do before, but now he's completely at a loss, and his body goes rigid as he processes those two simple words. It's him. It's his utter obliviousness that has sent Nikkari into this state. How could he have spent so much time with him and never realized? How could he have been so blind to everything?
It does help to explain his earlier feeling, though, that pang in his chest. Jealousy. What a fool he is. To be jealous of himself, of all things. Of all people!
But when Nikkari coughs again, more insistently this time, Ishikirimaru snaps out of his daze and pulls away enough to hold Nikkari more comfortably, as well as to get a better look at his face now. A face that is, even now in such desperate illness, so lovely, so elegant. But also a face that is pained and resigned. Ishikirimaru frowns and rubs his hand up and down Nikkari's back, trying to soothe though he knows it will do nothing for this kind of hurt.
Ishikirimaru is the cause of this, but now that he knows the truth, he is also the only one who can do something about it.]
...Forgive me.
[Oh...but that can sound like a rejection, can't it? He hurries onward.]
I've always known you were there and yet...somehow I never truly saw you until now.
[His hand trails upward to lightly brush over Nikkari's cheek. But there is a petal resting on his lips, leading to more scattered over his clothes and then countless that had fluttered aimlessly to the ground. So much yellow. Accusing. Blaming.
Killing.
Ishikirimaru takes a shaky breath, his voice quieter.]
Please...I pray I'm not too late.