[every breath is another one wrenched out of him, a tiny victory in the face of a war he is losing. at this point, if he was picked up, brought back to the citadel, he would not have the capacity for another escape, and would have to pass where everyone knew, and would know before it happened. let him go, he thinks - let him choose his own end. if he is miserable, at least he knows love. if he is pained, at least he knew happiness for a time.
but then Ishikirimaru asks the obvious, agonizing question. a year ago, a month ago, yesterday, he'd have waved it away. but today, he has nothing left to hide, because he's been stripped down to nothing. he can't muster presence of mind to be flustered, to try and pretend or play games. instead, he closes his eyes, wanting to get these words out without a cough hindering them. that's all.]
It's you.
[simply said, quiet, before another round of coughing shakes his body, before the petals that feel endless come through. he cannot think about not wanting to upset their balance, because it will all be nothing soon enough. he's cold, like he won't be warm enough unless he threw himself into fire to be warmed up from the inside. cold, though he knows what it means.
he does not expect to be loved in return. his heart instead has rested in the shadows near Ishikirimaru for a long time, and that has been all he hoped for. all that someone who looks above, and sees the realm of the gods so high above him, might wish. to rest in a passing shadow, and know enough. to be able to love is a gift on its own.]
no subject
but then Ishikirimaru asks the obvious, agonizing question. a year ago, a month ago, yesterday, he'd have waved it away. but today, he has nothing left to hide, because he's been stripped down to nothing. he can't muster presence of mind to be flustered, to try and pretend or play games. instead, he closes his eyes, wanting to get these words out without a cough hindering them. that's all.]
It's you.
[simply said, quiet, before another round of coughing shakes his body, before the petals that feel endless come through. he cannot think about not wanting to upset their balance, because it will all be nothing soon enough. he's cold, like he won't be warm enough unless he threw himself into fire to be warmed up from the inside. cold, though he knows what it means.
he does not expect to be loved in return. his heart instead has rested in the shadows near Ishikirimaru for a long time, and that has been all he hoped for. all that someone who looks above, and sees the realm of the gods so high above him, might wish. to rest in a passing shadow, and know enough. to be able to love is a gift on its own.]