[this has to be it, he feels, the camellias clawing at his insides. bright and mocking him, like they're taking bit by bit of his life away. he wants to live, badly, but the price it costs is much too high. something else will die in him, and it cannot be borne. he needs to hide himself instead, like he's hidden the feelings that have transformed to crush him down.
but then Ishikirimaru is there before him, and the presence of his hands means he is no hallucination, and none of this is what Nikkari wanted it to be. not him, not him as his heart gives a painful throb, makes himself look up and moves backward, trying to get away from those hands, that man. his care, his worry, none of it is what he wants while at the same time he wants everything of it. why did it have to be him?
you shouldn't see this. you should remember me as I was.]
No...please leave.
[say you didn't find him. keep his room shut, until everyone forgets his existence.]
It's better this way...more peaceful-
[it's you. it's been you. it will be you until I die.
he can't go back.
turning his head to the side, he coughs once, another petal falling from his lips.]
no subject
but then Ishikirimaru is there before him, and the presence of his hands means he is no hallucination, and none of this is what Nikkari wanted it to be. not him, not him as his heart gives a painful throb, makes himself look up and moves backward, trying to get away from those hands, that man. his care, his worry, none of it is what he wants while at the same time he wants everything of it. why did it have to be him?
you shouldn't see this. you should remember me as I was.]
No...please leave.
[say you didn't find him. keep his room shut, until everyone forgets his existence.]
It's better this way...more peaceful-
[it's you. it's been you. it will be you until I die.
he can't go back.
turning his head to the side, he coughs once, another petal falling from his lips.]